How to get to the Chinese Consulate in San Francisco and back from Building 21 of the Cisco San Jose campus:

1) Exit parking lot and go down McCarthy Blvd. Take 237 West. Put on The Faint's Danse Macabre (control control control control control control control control control...).

2) Continue on 237 East until you are about 400 yards from the ramp to merge onto 101 North.

3) Stop for 5 minutes. Proceed at intervals of 2mph for 20 seconds and 0mph for 3 minutes for 30 minutes.

4) Having travelled a total of 1 mile in 30 minutes (and having passed the construction work), proceed on 101 north until you get to to the seventh street exit. Lower convertible top at a stoplight. Put in Bran Van (Jesus Christ was a superstar. A pimpin big daddy with a Lincoln Town Car.)

5) Follow signs for 101 north. When on Turk street, continue until you see Laguna. Take a right on Laguna and start looking for parking spaces starting from 2 blocks up (before cleary is ideal).

6) Marvel at the new visa office. Twice as many windows, twice as many loud Chinese people, twice as slow. Wait 30 minutes (not too bad, but used to be no longer than 15), drop off the piece of paper, and get back in the car.

7) Drive across Geary until you get to Van Ness, take a right, and follow it until you get to the traffic jam. I mean the 101 on ramp. Put the convertible top up. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

8) Curse and scream at the traffic. More than 3 hours will have elapsed.

9) Arrive back at Cisco campus.

10) Lather, Rinse, Repeat a few days later.